i'm starting to think i should make a shirt about computers..

i would have thought computers were the most unemotional things, until i became a programmer this quarter. well it's not really them themselves that are emotional, but that interacting with my computer can make me susceptible to every possible human emotion, from confusion, depression and anxiety to effervescent joy, laughter and smiles. and all that lies in between that's not so clear cut or easy to sum up in little words.
i am learning to be calmer. i have started wearing a wrist brace.it is scary that i do this so much it's starting to have an affect on my body. i wish i could program by moving. by dancing-- pirouettes for for loops, arabesques to call functions. i would be way less likeley to have my wrists hurt if i did that. i have been working on code nonstop since about 12 today, only stopping to eat once (the other meals were at my computer), and now it is 4 am. i am starting to feel a bit crazy but i am also learning. learning so much and having so much help by pure coincidence. and figuring things out on my own. for the first time in my life, this week i was able to write code that worked. just write it. not have to ask why isn't this working. just write. and it works! what a great feeling. i dont know why it's taken me this long.

I speak computer!

i feel like i must feel how babies do the first time they take their first steps. or maybe how i felt the first time i took mine. who knows, we don't remember anyway.
i was able to speak to my computer today. i got through it's cold hearted, hard-headed skull and was able to communicate. and what a wonderful conversation it was.
it took me three hours to figure out what i was saying wrong, but once i figured it out it was the easiest, most clear communication i have probably ever made.

i'm starting to prefer computer communication. if only humans were this simple.

my current life

on learning to code...

When i was little, maybe about 5 years old i used to wonder if everyone saw colors differently as there would be no way to describe "pink" other than a mix of white and red. the whole concept of colors and their meanings could be different to everyone, as they might see humans with purple faces and the ocean as bright green. I'll never know.
but while i was wondering that, i wondered if someone could ever create an entire language, dicitonary and all, where words are defined by other words, but the language could never be understood, because all of the definitions of this language are written in that language. well wonder no more, that language is called ruby and its dictionary is that of programming terms.
Though i've actually been able to explain ruby to quite a few people and get many interested in it, i have been doing some of my code with help as tackling a programming language as strange as ruby and doing something as complex as i'm trying to is not easily executed in 8 weeks.
i now have a deep enough understanding of ruby that i know what it's doing, where my code is going, what is called where it saves etc etc etc. now i'm trying to make friends wiht my code. trying to speak its language in a way that it understands. but it feels like i'm trying to talk with my mouth taped shut (note: i actually have no idea what its literally like to talk with my mouth taped shut and hope that i never find out) i can make vague statements without really making sense, or any sort of real communication.
I could draw you a picture of exactly what i want the code to do. explain it in plain english and/or choppy german but the second i try to put it in ruby code i am all thumbs, or rather all wrong commands.

It's like a good breakup with a bad boyfriend

i feel like i finally have space again. the screenprinting stuff is finally out of my room. I got frustrated and threw it all away. just kidding! It's actually in darkroom behind my house. I'm renting it. It feels like a new turning-point in my life. like "new leaf" so to speak or a new whole tree rather. and one with SPACIOUS spacious cabinets and light blocking doors and wonderful wonderful blacklight-ly reminiscent uv exposure unit.. oh wait that's mine. When i got the key for it, i felt happier than the day i found out i got into ucla. which is strange, because it's only a room, with a sink.
I've messed up on every screen so far. well except one, but even that one counts as a mess-up, as i'm using a 300-count mesh, for what could definitley be done with 110 or less (which doesent exist) (i think.) i put emulsion on them and then sprayed water droplets all over the drying screens. i forgot to get the chemical to spray on transparencies to make them legible once screenprinted. i'm off to a gas station to use their pressure washer to somehow try to salvage this mess i'm in, with a deadline.

200 tshirts in the corner of my room

I've been recieving designs since last night, there are 200 tshirts piled up in boxes in the corner and I'm waiting to sign the lease on a darkroom next to my garage (strange coincidence i moved somewhere with a darkroom in my backyard, isn't it). I have yet to recruit photographers to help me document my launching on monday, but as i work at the daily bruin photo department it shouldn't be hard. i'm putting the finishing touches on my mission statement, and blurbs about the tshirts and how to get one. Once I do that i'm only a facebook invite and 200 shirts away from launching a new online community. I'm a little terrified. Will people post? of course they will. Everyone I've told about the project wants a shirt and wants to get involved. Hopefully it will be a phenemenon like Post Secret or Myspace (or both combined!!) that gives people something to do with their time and lets them express themselves. Regardless I'm excited to make a tiny impact on the UCLA community.

a photo essay about learning to screen print:

so many choices

fool-proofing my room

putting screws on screens to later be taken out for exposure and put back in for printing

the new love of my life

screens coated

good thing i have a lot of books..

my room is glowing and i'm hiding outside, to keep away from the uv light

rinsing...

success!